Angie's Aim

After getting the skinny on why I’m not… I hope everyone is at least on board with the notion that if you were to ask every overweight person you know, “Why are you fat?” (which I don’t recommend…) the answers would go a little deeper than, “Well, the calories I’ve taken in have exceeded the calories I’ve expended.” Too many things play a part in all of our weighty issues. In fact, anything that registers on the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale could be a trigger to abuse food in some way. And misusing food takes on more forms than overeating… Eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia are prime examples that a person’s interaction with food is only a symptom of what lies beneath.

I suppose the best news is – it’s no wonder one size doesn’t fit all when it comes to how to go about losing weight! Some approaches will fit a person better than others. And God is ever-present in each journey, helping us take advantage of countless opportunities to surrender, deny ourselves, trust Him, grow in self-control and flourish by becoming a better version of ourselves.

Drumroll please…

So, after taking another look in the mirror and asking God to help me find a way out of this painful pattern I’ve created, I’ve come to a decision that I previously opposed – tackling obesity by having weight loss surgery (gasp!). Thursday morning I’m having what is called a lap-band procedure.

This was a huge spiritual dilemma for me. Since I know that the core issues of my weight problem are much deeper than the physical, I have viewed options like gastric bypass and lap-band as copouts, ways to bypass the work of God that comes from the old-fashioned way of finding freedom. Unfortunately this is a sad-but-true scenario for some who think weight loss surgery is the easy way out. But what about those of us who aren’t trying to cheat God but haven’t had success with our long line of attempts to shed the pounds? I wondered if this could be a viable option to consider.

Oddly enough what has opened my mind to this has been the previous year of exploring the spiritual disciplines and realizing how very creative God is in the ways he leads us. Paths I have been formerly leery of have become more familiar and even inviting. I realized that my particular thread of reasoning - that a person just shouldn’t need anything but God - leads to some pretty scary places… like those folks who have shamed Christians who suffer from depression for taking medication or even those who reject life-saving medical help altogether. Can God use Prozac? Physicians? I’ve come to the conclusion that submitting to this particular tool of gastric banding is really no different than how I’ve submitted to other methods in the past (see grueling list in last post).

Even after conceding that this could be a legit part of God’s process, my pride was still standing in the way. It’s hard to admit that I can’t do this on my own & that I need help. No, really. I’m as bull-headed a Taurus as they come! Deciding to blog about this whole deal is actually part of sacrificing my stubborn pride to God.

So, what’s this band business?

Since some I’ve shared with had never heard of the lap-band procedure, here’s Angie’s abridged version. A surgeon will laparoscopically place a wee innertube on the upper portion of the stomach, creating a new and smaller pouch. The innertube thingy can be adjusted tighter or looser for each person. Nothing inside me will be cut, stapled or removed (as in gastric bypass) and the procedure is completely reversible, leaving the stomach the same as pre-surgery. By having a baby stomach, I will have to learn to eat all over again and most importantly… learn when to stop eating.

Personally, I still cannot wrap my mind around permanently altering the stomach. It’s just not a risk I’m willing to take. But I have no judgments about those who go that route. In fact, I sing their praises for being braver than me! But the fact is, there are risks associated with any surgical measure, so I’ve found the one that I’m willing to take in order to reverse my current trend of upward immobility.

Dissecting the premise of fasting, a self-imposed restriction intended to heighten awareness that man doesn’t live on bread alone, I believe this surgical restriction can actually create a path for the Spirit to stir me in a new way. The band on my stomach will address my current state of obesity, but the most difficult work is kept for my God – helping me continually deal with all the desires that got me to this point in the first place.

I consider this to be in the last resort category. And I’m there. It’s like I’ve had an intervention for myself, and now I’m checking into fat rehab! The only difference with the other unhealthy ways people choose to soothe their pain (like drugs or alcohol) is that no one can totally abstain from food since it’s necessary for survival. Although I’ve rarely made an attempt to lose weight without asking God to guide it, most of my attempts have amounted to white-knuckling, which never lasts long.

I invite you to ask questions or share any concerns or skepticism you might have about this surgery... It’s taken me 37 years to get to this decision, so I expect criticism from people and even welcome it... It will either help cement that this is a good move for me or perhaps bring to mind something I haven't considered...

My Before

At my present weight:

I am denied health insurance.

I am on the cusp of major obesity-related health problems.

I opt out of many opportunities to interact with people socially, like going out to eat or going to concerts or events - worrying about whether I will fit comfortably in the seats at restaurants, coliseums, etc. One embarrassing incident is all it takes to vow to avoid those scenarios at all cost.

I won’t embrace travel opportunities because of my size - again, for not comfortably fitting in airplane seats or not being able to handle much walking without causing my ankles to swell.

I’ve even allowed a few job opportunities to fall by the wayside, feeling inadequate because of my weight struggles.

I am consumed with dealing with my weight to the extent that I am neglecting the greater call I know God has placed on my life.

This is no way to live.

So, if you ever wondered what kind of person would resort to such a drastic measure to help lose weight…That would be me.

To be certain, this post isn’t a lap-band endorsement. It is NOT for all. But I pray that God can use it for me to be able to reclaim my health and quality of life. I’d sure love it if you’d include me in your prayers too - especially for a surgery free of complications and for my willingness to surrender to a new way of eating and living.