Angie's Aim

Most of you are aware that several years ago I went through a big bad wolf of a depression. Some people lose their appetites during depression. I should’ve been so lucky! But that wasn’t the start of my weight problem. I’ve always been overweight… a butterball of a baby (we’re talking cheek-pinching cute!), a chunky adolescent with horrid family vacation pics to prove it (someone should’ve told me not to wear those tight pink shorts to the Smoky Mountains – cameltoe city!), aptly nicknamed “Big Ang” as a term of endearment in high school… And the numbers on the scale have been fluctuating, yet on a steady rise, ever since. But I’ve always been able to balance things out with my larger-than-life personality! (insert smile and sparkle here!) It wasn’t until that depression that I packed on the pounds that have been the re-definition of me.

After the hopelessness of depression had receded (thank you, merciful God!), I was left with a forever-altered personality and the sobering reality of being in the morbidly obese category. I’m not exaggerating. Everyone carries weight differently. I’m tall enough to get away with more than I ought, I don’t have a double chin and I try to dress to minimize my size. I’m not saying I can hide behind a telephone pole or anything, but people are typically shocked by my digits – not believing it’s *that* bad.

But I feel every pound. So, obviously, it would do me a world of good to lose some weight – not a novel idea to me. The desire to lose weight has been a wave that has ebbed and flowed as long as I have breathed in and out.

One of my first attempts to shed some pounds in my early teen years was with the appetite suppressant called Ayds. It was a chewy diet candy (caramel was my favorite) that you ate before each meal. Unfortunately the disease of the same name, AIDS, was garnering public attention at around that same time. I remember hearing on the news that AIDS was causing scores of young people to lose weight and die… I freaked out! I dreaded telling my parents that I, too, had Ayds…

The attempts to lose weight that followed weren’t quite as traumatic, but they all ended with the same ultimate result – failure. Either failure to lose weight at all or temporary success followed by gaining the weight back plus more.

I’ve tried Slimfast, Nutri-System (the friend who was my ride to Nutri-System weigh-ins would take me to the all-you-can-eat buffet at Morrison’s Cafeteria afterwards. I never complained.), Calorad, the cabbage soup diet, Jenny Craig, Herbalife, Overeaters Anonymous, Weight Watchers (twice), The Weigh Down Workshop, The Lose It for Life Seminars and most recently Bob Greene’s Best Life Diet.

Somewhere along the way someone mentioned that exercise was pretty vital to success, so I’ve had spurts of attempts to up my activity level too. I’ve done aerobics, played volleyball, walked at local parks, bellydanced, swing danced, joined a Wellness Center for water aerobics and circuit training, joined a “body boutique” (you know, with those machines that move your big butt for you), joined the Y, joined Curves, went to one very intimidating yoga class and have now settled on the elliptical trainer.

I’ve transitioned from nutrasweet to sweet & low to equal to splenda. I’ve incorporated St. John’s wort and green tea into my diet. Even Doctors Pritikin, Atkins and Ornish have different slants regarding the best way to get weight off and keep it off.

I’ve spent tons of $ on countless resources like videos (the first being Sweatin’ to the Oldies with Richard Simmons! It’s impossible to hear some Motown tunes without picturing Richard flailing about and cheering!)) and books (the latest being Dr. Oz’s You on a Diet). I “made the connection” with Bob and Oprah. I’ve logged lots of time online toward diet resources (like Setting Captives Free and eDiets)… Then there’s the documentary Super Size Me which is in a category all to itself! I watch The Biggest Loser each season (even though I can’t last a month working out with their DVD). And I tune in regularly to Discovery Health, Fit tv and health-related programming on TLC.

That’s one crazy list! And those are just all the things I haven’t blocked from memory!

Every attempt has been educational in some way, and I’ve been changed for the better by each – yet here I am in the worst physical shape of my life. Any of the aforementioned weight loss methods boasts plenty of success stories. So it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that there’s something in me that’s standing in the way. I’m a reasonably intelligent person. So why can’t I stick to something long enough to make a significant and lasting dent in this weight problem? Willpower or self-control would be the short answer. But that doesn’t do justice to all that’s at play here.

Figuring it out is like trying to solve a mystery. Certainly all overweight people don’t mirror my personal struggle, but there are commonalities that most can relate to. Even if you’re not overweight, everyone has wrestled with body image to some degree. This blog mini-series may be a turn-off to some of you, but I’d like to share some of my Nancy Drew moments and divine revelations in making sense of all this and let you in on my next plan of attack.

Meanwhile, as you’re surfing t.v. channels, take a moment to notice the “before” and “after” shots of people in diet ads. The elusive happily ever “afters” are wearing their bikinis, looking hot and ready for summer. But in teeny tiny words underneath the picture, you’ll find “results not typical.” And that’s the truth.

Because I am the typical.