Angie's Aim

Everyone would likely agree that any effort to eat less and move more (whatever shape or form the method may take) should yield favorable and healthy results. So, it’s quite a conundrum that a formula can be so simplistic (to understand) yet so complex (to carry out).

In other words, if you want a smaller butt, there’s more to conquer than the mere physics of weight loss. Whenever I read Paul’s tongue-twisting description of always doing what he doesn’t want to do… it’s this struggle that comes to my mind. (BTW, if you re-read that text at the end of Romans 7, don’t stop there! The outlook is pretty bleak unless you continue on into chapter 8! Bad chapter break!) Similarly, there’s more than one law at work here.

Every person who is battling their bulge has their own set of contributing factors that work against them. And some of us have more than others. Everything combines in such a way that no one component can take the blame. Here are some examples:

GENETICS:  It’s Not My Fault

Although genetics aren’t the scapegoat many are looking for… their role cannot be denied. If we were looking at a pie chart (mmmmm…. pie!), genetics are only one slice. I am the farthest from a scientist that one can get, but here are my deductions from all the studies I’ve read: What you inherit through your genes can produce a susceptibility to become overweight (or resistance for some – you know, those people you hate because they are able to eat so much more without gaining!). So, what we’re looking at is a greater or lesser genetic tendency, and everything from poor metabolism to complex hormonal processes are in on this scam. Genetics are not a definitive predictor, but they can up your likelihood when combined with a few other components.

Our bodies, even the ones in the absolute worst shape, are remarkable in that God has designed us to be able to adapt to some pretty extreme circumstances…(like going into shock in a moment of impact or surviving long periods of time without food or water). Unfortunately, when a person becomes obese, the likelihood of losing weight and keeping it off greatly decreases because the body has had to make so many adjustments to sustain such a weight gain. Even when you lose weight, the fat cells that were created shrink, but never disappear… And the body almost acts as if it is being starved because it has been re-trained to support so much more. The situation isn’t impossible… but definitely more difficult.

PSYCHOLOGY:  The Little Engine That Couldn’t - “I don’t think I can… I don’t think I can…”

I’ve had to wrestle with a few mental blocks that stem from a subconscious negativity or feeling of hopelessness. It’s really tough to believe that losing weight and becoming healthier is even possible since I have a track record of one failure after another. Those things weigh heavily (pun intended) on a person. It leads to sabotaging any new efforts, perhaps by allowing one bad day or one mistake to spiral out of control rather than just fixing the flat tire and moving ahead. My history is filled with short-lived optimism and resolutions made on a full stomach. Mental blocks are any ploys Satan can use to divert attention from the fact that God can be trusted to set us free from self-imposed prisons and to provide new possibilities in life for any of us who love Him. And when we doubt those truths, our lies start sounding right on target.

TEMPTATIONS:  Simply Irresistible

Also, not understanding the anatomy of temptation has gotten the best of me time after time – being tempted to overeat at meals, binge eat late at night, always leave a clean plate, graze all day... It’s not as if we make one decision that we’re going to say no to this thing and that’s it. It’s a commitment to making that decision over and over and over again. I’d hate to show you my tally of times I’ve gotten it right and times I haven’t. If I could use an egg-timer on one of my typical temptations, I’d say that the actual moment of crisis only lasts about 2 seconds. And what I decide to do in those 2 seconds is crucial. So, what resource pile will I draw from? Without a daily reinforced commitment, it’s likely to be my history, what is habitual, my self-serving appetites… Concepts of self-denial and delayed gratification that are part of our Christian story are the farthest from my mind – not to mention taking every thought captive to bring it under His submission. If those things are not embedded in my mind and heart as a way of living, then my weakness is sure to win me over every time. Extra: Andy Stanley of North Point in the Atlanta area has a great series on temptation called “Pause” (available online or podcast on iTunes) in which he emphasizes that in the moment of temptation, there is so much more at stake than what we think (much more than a chocolate cupcake or cheese fries).

SPIRITUALITY:  We Got To Pray Just To Make It Today 

Since one of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control, at times I’ve felt that my weight weakness is a spiritual deficiency, a mark against my character in Christ. Christian based weight loss programs seek to address this. Without a doubt, there are spiritual forces at work here, but I caution that they can be easily misrepresented, producing immobilizing guilt. It has only been recently that I have begun to understand that the fruits of a Spirit-led life are not a checklist to confirm whether or not the Spirit of God abides in me. It’s not “either you got it or you don’t.” It’s more about nurturing self-control in order to possess it in an increasing measure - not being trapped in guilt because I feel I don’t have any. Hard to comprehend for an “all or nothing gal” like me.

And self-control isn’t the only internal issue that has surfaced… the deeper I dig, issues with control, pride, trust, fear and a host of other things are revealed.

CULTURE:  It Must’ve Been All Those Deep-fried Twinkies…

Where you live and who you interact with plays another part in how you learn to make healthy choices about nutrition and exercise. I grew up in the deep (fried) south. And Mississippi has the highest rate of obesity in the nation. School meal programs and physical education vary from state to state. Healthy food choices are not always affordable or easily accessible to some. You may have heard of the “urban grocery store gap” which describes the lack of supermarkets in some inner-city neighborhoods, making junk food from convenience stores and fast food the only option for many. People who receive food stamps are more likely to be obese. Also, where you live plays a part in what exercise options are available. I have a friend who HATES to exercise… but she has had limited exposure to activities. There’s a walking track here. That’s it. No gym, no aerobics, no indoor swimming pool, no fun classes in jazz, salsa, kick boxing… Much is left to being a self-starter.

BEHAVIOR:  You Mean… You Don’t Hide Food In The Dishwasher?

Both my parents are an average weight. My mother has had more issues struggling with weight than my father, but their lifestyles have kept them from getting out of control the way I have. But Mama has some seriously quirky habits that I’ve picked up on. I’ll save the dishwasher story for another blog series (The Chronicles of Martha), but the point is sometimes we pick up on abnormal eating behaviors that contribute to gaining weight. Eating late at night before going to bed has hurt me the most. And we could do another series on emotional eating alone! Also, there are scads of people who have been sexually abused that have used food to cope by turning weight into a type of protection.  Food may have been intended to be for fuel, but we've resourcefully managed to use it for countless other things. 

To top everything off… these repeated behaviors can, over the course of time, become addictions for some. Our minds “record” how we treat our bodies and come to expect more of the same. Take binge eating for example… The body actually craves the euphoria from a high-calorie binge and longs to re-create that temporary pleasant feeling – like a drug. All the cerebral mechanisms involved in this process are yet to be understood.

So… that’s just all the info that fits in my catchy title categories (and the experts could’ve made a much better case than I have!). But there’s so much more... There’s the food itself - junk food, soft drinks, fast food. More unhealthy yet very cheap and easy food options are available now than ever before! And the time we live in has seen such incredible advancements in industry, technology and globalization… and has provided us a plethora of food available with little to no effort. We certainly don’t hunt and gather anymore. And tending a vegetable garden is a lost art to most of us.

Just to reiterate, it doesn’t work to blame any of these factors, so don’t even think I’m alluding to that. But the culmination of these things are relevant in determining who might have a more difficult journey becoming an after. And... what gets you overweight and what keeps you there are often two entirely different sets of factors! 

Just like a bad chapter break, I hate to end after all that grim information, but this post is already way too long! All of this is to say that things are never as simple as they appear to be. And understanding that can ready us to handle the adversity that’s guaranteed.

Most of you are aware that several years ago I went through a big bad wolf of a depression. Some people lose their appetites during depression. I should’ve been so lucky! But that wasn’t the start of my weight problem. I’ve always been overweight… a butterball of a baby (we’re talking cheek-pinching cute!), a chunky adolescent with horrid family vacation pics to prove it (someone should’ve told me not to wear those tight pink shorts to the Smoky Mountains – cameltoe city!), aptly nicknamed “Big Ang” as a term of endearment in high school… And the numbers on the scale have been fluctuating, yet on a steady rise, ever since. But I’ve always been able to balance things out with my larger-than-life personality! (insert smile and sparkle here!) It wasn’t until that depression that I packed on the pounds that have been the re-definition of me.

After the hopelessness of depression had receded (thank you, merciful God!), I was left with a forever-altered personality and the sobering reality of being in the morbidly obese category. I’m not exaggerating. Everyone carries weight differently. I’m tall enough to get away with more than I ought, I don’t have a double chin and I try to dress to minimize my size. I’m not saying I can hide behind a telephone pole or anything, but people are typically shocked by my digits – not believing it’s *that* bad.

But I feel every pound. So, obviously, it would do me a world of good to lose some weight – not a novel idea to me. The desire to lose weight has been a wave that has ebbed and flowed as long as I have breathed in and out.

One of my first attempts to shed some pounds in my early teen years was with the appetite suppressant called Ayds. It was a chewy diet candy (caramel was my favorite) that you ate before each meal. Unfortunately the disease of the same name, AIDS, was garnering public attention at around that same time. I remember hearing on the news that AIDS was causing scores of young people to lose weight and die… I freaked out! I dreaded telling my parents that I, too, had Ayds…

The attempts to lose weight that followed weren’t quite as traumatic, but they all ended with the same ultimate result – failure. Either failure to lose weight at all or temporary success followed by gaining the weight back plus more.

I’ve tried Slimfast, Nutri-System (the friend who was my ride to Nutri-System weigh-ins would take me to the all-you-can-eat buffet at Morrison’s Cafeteria afterwards. I never complained.), Calorad, the cabbage soup diet, Jenny Craig, Herbalife, Overeaters Anonymous, Weight Watchers (twice), The Weigh Down Workshop, The Lose It for Life Seminars and most recently Bob Greene’s Best Life Diet.

Somewhere along the way someone mentioned that exercise was pretty vital to success, so I’ve had spurts of attempts to up my activity level too. I’ve done aerobics, played volleyball, walked at local parks, bellydanced, swing danced, joined a Wellness Center for water aerobics and circuit training, joined a “body boutique” (you know, with those machines that move your big butt for you), joined the Y, joined Curves, went to one very intimidating yoga class and have now settled on the elliptical trainer.

I’ve transitioned from nutrasweet to sweet & low to equal to splenda. I’ve incorporated St. John’s wort and green tea into my diet. Even Doctors Pritikin, Atkins and Ornish have different slants regarding the best way to get weight off and keep it off.

I’ve spent tons of $ on countless resources like videos (the first being Sweatin’ to the Oldies with Richard Simmons! It’s impossible to hear some Motown tunes without picturing Richard flailing about and cheering!)) and books (the latest being Dr. Oz’s You on a Diet). I “made the connection” with Bob and Oprah. I’ve logged lots of time online toward diet resources (like Setting Captives Free and eDiets)… Then there’s the documentary Super Size Me which is in a category all to itself! I watch The Biggest Loser each season (even though I can’t last a month working out with their DVD). And I tune in regularly to Discovery Health, Fit tv and health-related programming on TLC.

That’s one crazy list! And those are just all the things I haven’t blocked from memory!

Every attempt has been educational in some way, and I’ve been changed for the better by each – yet here I am in the worst physical shape of my life. Any of the aforementioned weight loss methods boasts plenty of success stories. So it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that there’s something in me that’s standing in the way. I’m a reasonably intelligent person. So why can’t I stick to something long enough to make a significant and lasting dent in this weight problem? Willpower or self-control would be the short answer. But that doesn’t do justice to all that’s at play here.

Figuring it out is like trying to solve a mystery. Certainly all overweight people don’t mirror my personal struggle, but there are commonalities that most can relate to. Even if you’re not overweight, everyone has wrestled with body image to some degree. This blog mini-series may be a turn-off to some of you, but I’d like to share some of my Nancy Drew moments and divine revelations in making sense of all this and let you in on my next plan of attack.

Meanwhile, as you’re surfing t.v. channels, take a moment to notice the “before” and “after” shots of people in diet ads. The elusive happily ever “afters” are wearing their bikinis, looking hot and ready for summer. But in teeny tiny words underneath the picture, you’ll find “results not typical.” And that’s the truth.

Because I am the typical.

Bloggers, forgive me for I have sinned… It has been almost a month and a half since my last post!

I certainly didn’t intend to blog about God’s green earth & then fall off the face of it! It seems I’ve caused a few of you worry about me, and I sure regret that - but I am grateful that you care for me!  Sad to say, but it takes a sort of "persistent widow" type of person to ride out some of my ups and downs.  And I've been blessed beyond measure by several friends (and have the phone messages to prove it!).

I blame early onset of a midlife crisis for my recent dry spell!  A conglomeration of things has contributed to it, but I’ve chosen one particular facet of my drama to blog about – the story of my butt. Not exactly the stuff that inspires made-for-tv movies, but possibly a pitch for reality tv. Honestly, I’d rather write about something else… but this seems to be getting most of my attention at the moment. So I’ll write what I know...  Consider yourself warned.

With more than 70 million blogs on the net, it’s a shocker that people actually read this one. There are about 1.5 million new posts per day – not that I’ve been contributing to that stat lately. But baby, I’m back... gearing up for some great discussions with you along the way. For this week only, Angie’s aiming for a blog blitz (several catch-up posts that I need to get out of my system while I read up on the days of your blog lives that I’ve missed!).  I hope to follow with a renewed attempt to post weekly.

Out of curiosity, did anyone hear any sermons on Sunday with Earth Day slants? Churches generally seem to take advantage of providing messages with Mother’s Day, Father’s Day  or Memorial Day slants on those respective holidays, so why not Earth Day?

Surfing the web, I came across an online sermon entitled “Earth Day or the Lord’s Day?” as if this observance is inherently anti Lord’s Day… I haven’t seen any sermons entitled “Mother’s Day or the Lord’s Day?” so why do we pick on Earth Day when it is our God who created the earth we inhabit?

IMO, it’s a result of what I call linking thinking… Here’s a sample thread: If we laud Earth Day, that means we care about the environment which just might insinuate that we have bought into the whole global warming thing thus making us in the same camp as the far left, mouthy Hollywood celebs, atheist scientists and the like.

The reason linking thinking is dangerous is because it promotes the idea that there are 2 sides with no middle ground and we are not to consider anything good that we can possibly glean from anyone who isn’t in our camp so as to not be linked to them in any way.

Look, regardless of what you believe about global warming, where you are on the political spectrum or how you feel about celebrities and their causes or evolutionary science… isn’t stewardship of God's creation gifts relevant? It would be foolish to think the ways we choose to use resources won't have an effect on our world, regardless of whether we agree to what extent.  And just because this isn't a sin issue doesn't mean it shouldn't register on the radar of Christ followers.  To be uninterested in improving the quality of our air and water because it might make us look like those tree-hugging liberal hippies or anti-industrial dark green radicals is just as extreme as the extremists we might be attempting to avoid… So where would we find Christ in this?  I just can’t picture the Jesus I know dousing red paint all over a woman wearing a fur coat, but I can’t really see him being a litterbug either.

It’s a common sense matter to me. And I feel it most...

When I read the Genesis account of creation and think of how nature reveals God…

When I watch an episode of Planet Earth…

When I hear Louie Giglio describe the vastness of the universe with Chris Tomlin singing Indescribable in the background…

When I look at NASA pics of the big blue marble we live on…

When I hear Jesus use farming and fishing to explain the divine…

When I am struck by the panoramic vistas of the Texas plains, the Atlantic Ocean crashing the shores of Portugal, the Grand Canyon at sunset, the view from the rocking chair on my front porch…

Or when I breathe…

Then I think taking personal responsibility for my actions and their effects on God’s green earth is pretty important. I think it would please Him that I care and that I’m so grateful for everything He’s given me to enjoy in this life, though everything’s ultimately only a prelude to the next. I think He smiles when I try to be better at things I’m bad at.

And I’m pretty bad at this. I’d like to wait to write this post until I’m more of an advocate of this stewardship based on my performance rather than my felt need for it… but this is where I am… driving my big ol’ gas guzzling Ford Expedition, not recycling because of the effort it takes, leaving things plugged in all the time...

But there’s a seed of conviction here and I pray it grows into a better reflection of what it means to express God in my life - even by being faithful in things as small as changing out a few light bulbs.

One of the greatest advantages of living back home in Mississippi has been gaining a bit of ecological insight. Most folks around here, especially my dad, seem to have a keen awareness of seasons, nature, agriculture, land, animals… all things I put on the periphery while growing up here. I wish I’d paid more attention. Now I hang onto my dad’s words, astounded by his interest in and knowledge of the world that surrounds him. It’s how he got to know the God I went to church to learn about.

Creation is a natural part of our outpouring of praise in the songs we sing and part of what makes retreat memories so special. It matters and the way we treat it matters too.

I sure didn’t intend for the Tulsa talk debriefing to evolve into a “say nice stuff about Angie” post, but I wasn’t about to interrupt that flow! Thank you all so much for putting the “sweet” in “short & sweet.”

Just as I’ve recuperated from the Oklahoma trip I’m heading west yet again, Texas style… First stops to pick up friends in Dallas (Greg) and Austin (Selandra)… then on to Houston to see the Broadway play Wicked with some wonderful friends! (Nellie, if you’re reading this… I will be so close to Baytown! Expect a call from me!) I have plans to go to Lubbock as well, and I’m praying that works out. Tried to go last year & couldn’t swing it. And this time I have a bit of a toothache. Went to the dentist yesterday & was told all four wisdom teeth need to be extracted! So I’m gonna try to make the trip on a prayer and a prescription. BTW, have any of you ever bitten the dentist? I hope I’m not the only one. He was asking me a question while his fingers were in my mouth. In retrospect I see that he was expecting a yes or no answer, but I felt the need to elaborate which I now know you can’t do easily without closing the jaw a bit. Whoops. He had great reflexes though.

I know that I’ve been nothing short of an exercise in patience recently… I don’t even feel like a real blogger these days with my rare posts and slacker reading. It’s a busy season & I’m grateful for that, but I miss the comforting routine of being in your lives in a deeper way. I love that I miss that though… It would be a shame not to. Community adds such richness to life, makes a two dimensional flat screen into a 3D experience.

However you commemorate Holy Week, Easter or Sunday… we’re celebrating the same savior, once a lifeless body… now a living hope! Doesn’t that still “wow” you?