Angie's Aim

Yesterday I had 8 hours to reflect on all I'd seen and heard during my time at the Tulsa workshop.  Thought I'd dedicate a couple of posts to those thoughts.

Overall my class went well… I was thrilled to see so many people show up – confirmation that there is an ever-growing undercurrent of interest in how to better address homosexuality in Christianity. But it was a lot of information for folks to take in. God has had me on this journey for the past 15 years, so I certainly don’t expect someone to hear me talk for 45 minutes and just jump on board. I’m sure many left feeling overwhelmed, confused, skeptical or even angry. But it’s good to be stretched and challenged – just not always comfortable.

My heart was filled to overflowing after sharing a few moments with people who stayed for some one-on-one time afterwards. Several were incredibly emotional – because it’s rare to find a safe place to share these heartaches. Others expressed relief in having their stories validated. Some were thankful for ‘permission’ to love the gay people in their lives! There were parents and friends of gay people or those who struggle with unwanted same-sex attractions. There were ministers and teachers. And there were some very brave and beautiful Christians present who deal with same-sex attractions. No doubt it took a lot for them to make the effort to come.

Through the rest of my time at the workshop, people would occasionally stop me with a kind word or two. One little lady zooming around on her scooter buzzed by me, pausing only long enough to say, “You were right, you know.” So all the comments I received were positive, although they don’t necessarily represent everyone.

Later on I had a brief conversation with someone who felt angry after the message. She was a friend of a friend who was honest enough to share that with me. She also admitted that when her husband asked her why, it was hard to articulate. I think it’s difficult to soften places in our hearts that are so used to being hard. It’s uncomfortable to be pushed to examine why we think and feel the way we do about complex things. The goal of my talk wasn’t to get people to “think like me” but to prod people to ask God into this issue in a fresh and more personal way, rather than resting on previously formed or unquestioned opinions. And when God is invited in that way, we always get more than we bargain for.

As my own worst critic, of course I’m nitpicky. I noticed things that could have made our time better. Because I didn’t trust myself to get through all the information, I basically just read my talk. I sure would’ve preferred a more informal setting and conversational tone. Thankfully, God took what I was able to give and used it for His purposes.

I was surprised to find out that a very special friend named Ellie Miller would be introducing me! Her son Matt was on the Portugal mission team with me in AIM, and we’ve kept in touch (very) sporadically through the years. Ellie was one of the first people I ever encountered who approached everything in life in a spiritual way – which was new to me at that time. So, what a privilege it was to share a brief but powerful time of prayer together before the talk – very meaningful to me.

And I owe a very special thanks to the Amen corner… a fabulous group of friends that filled a section of the bleachers and lovingly supported me. You were far too good to me, and I enjoyed you to pieces!!!

Unbelievable how time has passed so quickly since the last post. Many apologies to my blog family for such neglect! You should be getting used to my desert/oasis pattern by now!  In the words of Madea, I've been a 'hot mess' the past few weeks!  Mercy! 

This morning I’m road trippin’ to Tulsa. I plan to barge in on Mike and Mary Shackelford for a few days before the workshop begins. I first saw their faces in the fall of 1991 when we all moved to Lubbock for AIM.  Now they make their life in Tulsa, ministering to folks through  Sanctuary Fellowship.

How can I thank all of you enough for your support and prayers for my upcoming Tulsa talk?  If you think of a way, let me know! The most memorable bit of advice I’ve gotten is “wear Kevlar.” But hopefully the only body armor I’ll need will be the armor of God! ;-) I am certain that the body of Christ is ready to hear a redemptive message concerning same-sex attractions!

Looking forward to seeing many of you at the workshop and at our ever-growing AIM-a-pa-looza event at the Thorntons.

Blog on, people.

This is the *only* photo I've been able to transfer from my new camera and much of the clarity was lost in the process, so I'm still having some issues with posting images. I must've just gotten lucky on Valentine's Day. Hmmm. Never thought I'd be saying that! :-) Just wanted you to know I'm working on it in my spare time!

You Got Something On Your Face

Yesterday, Ash Wednesday, marked the first day of Lent. Last year marked my first attempt to observe Lent along with the Christian community at large. And a poor attempt it was! I started late yet strong, but might have lasted a week. Even in that (weak) endeavor, I was blessed by the mere redirecting of my mind toward Jesus and his suffering during the days leading up to the Easter celebration. In fact, I have been incredibly blessed by opening my mind to the entire liturgical year (particularly with Advent and fully embracing Christmas and Easter and their tributes to our Savior). A friend of mine was introducing a few elements of the liturgical year to her congregation (a Church of Christ) to which one woman responded, “Oh, I couldn’t do that. I’d feel too much like a Catholic.” My friend, who is quite endeared to Catholics replied, “You wish!” It’s certainly not uncommon for us to reject the whole when we have issues with some parts. FYI, observing Lent will not make you Catholic (just ask any Catholic!).  But the fact is, we stand to be greatly enriched by learning from the dedication of people in different faiths, opening our eyes to view the Trinity in a whole new light.

Wineskins magazine offers a daily lent reflection you can receive via e-mail. Go to the ZOE devotional blog page to sign up for the daily lent e-mail.

Unobstructed View

I just had one of those mornings that could’ve lasted all day… The weather here is uncommonly brisk and beautiful. I had breakfast and coffee on the back deck, content to watch the sunshine trickle through the trees and listen to the birds play a tune that nothing on my iPod could hold a candle to. I could’ve just sat there all day & watched the shadows change while the sun made its way from east to west. But a long list of things begs to be done today...

A few of those things involve preparing for a visit from my friend Rhonda. She’s flying in for a couple of days. We’re looking forward to acting like little girls at a slumber party. Who gets too old for that? Playing, singing, praying and dreaming will be on our “to-do” list! And we’ll be dressing up for a red carpet night of watching the Oscars on Sunday, complete with champagne toasts. You do that too, right?

What a kicker - we get the opportunity to experience the divine any day, whether special or mundane. But it’s no small thing to be able to see through all the stuff that gets in the way… to see God in nature and in humanity. No small thing at all. May God grant you clearer vision and an unobstructed view of Him today.

Just a few crumbs for you... to give Jason H. his fix (boy, you so crazy!).  There are several posts swirling around in my mind that God is still working on.  In the meantime... love to all of you!

Valentines Day for the rest of us.

No bitter "Anti-Valentines Day" sentiments here, folks!  Just a friendly reminder that today is also Singles Awareness Day, which has the rather unfortunate acronym "SAD."  So, please give a "hang in there, sport" to your romantically-challenged, pillow-kissing, undateable, non-spouse material friends who have yet to find their significant other/baby daddy. 

Happy SAD!  :-)  :-(

"If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you're not alone.  And yet you are alone.  So very alone."

My feeble attempt at satire is overshadowed by the fact that I *finally* figured out how to post an image!  Yay me!

One of the most fundamental commonalities we share as sojourners in this life who wear the name of Jesus Christ is that we are all faced with temptations of some sort that, if acted on, would lead us on a path divergent from the Christian life we desire. And as much as we love God, we’ve all given in to it at some point (for all have sinned…).

Certain chronic temptations, though, threaten to become addictions when given in to consistently. Let me reach into my grab bag of temptations and share an example with you.

I’m tempted to eat late at night. It’s a big temptation for me. So is overeating at mealtime, but it’s not nearly as strong as the urge to make a companion out of food on another lonely night.

When I am tempted to eat late at night, whether via grazing or an all out binge, I believe something crucial is happening in my mind. I believe that in times past when tempted, I clearly recognized the moment of crisis in which I knew I could decide whether or not to go down that path. Perhaps I even weighed the outcome in my mind to help decide whether or not I would give in. But here’s how cunning and crafty the enemy is… He convinces me to not even think about it any longer. When that urge strikes me, I want to immediately indulge. I do not want to think about it. I want to do what I want to do. I decide to do it. And there’s the sin! Until that moment, the temptation has been strong, but ultimately harmless. There’s no inherent sinfulness in eating… but to choose to press an override button because I know God might require me to do something different… That’s in a whole different league. Deciding to forego the opportunity to do something that would please my Father is going to have consequences.

And all that takes place in a matter of seconds! Oscar Wilde said, “I can resist anything except temptation.” And I get that, because I have some pretty strong weaknesses.

I am tempted out of my own desires. I am human and weak and my first instinct isn’t always to submit to my Father. I believe the enemy plays his part in wanting to drag me away from God, but I also know that my God will always provide me a way of escape.

Still, just knowing that hasn’t set me free from some of the heavy unwanted chains I carry. And I believe this is a frustration for many Christians. I can sing, “Yield not to temptation…” on Sunday morning, but late Sunday night I won’t even see the yield sign.

I'm not one to give God ultimatums… like, “If you don’t fix this, God, then I won’t believe in you any more.” But after I wrestled in the same sin rut for years, small seeds of doubt were planted. And the questioning began, “Why won’t you do this for me?” I spent vast amounts of time and energy trying to dissect the reasons why I overate and the possible things it might be rooted in. I read books, went through programs and seminars. I analyzed my childhood and did many things that are worthwhile, and came up with some incredible insight. But I still gave in to temptation. For a time I even doubted that the Holy Spirit of God was living in me because I was not experiencing freedom from the sins I’ve been tempted by incessantly since my youth.

I was missing a key piece to this puzzle. Here’s a major shift that’s taken place in my approach to God. I believe God uses those very things to get my attention and cause me to seek Him for the sole purpose of more fully knowing and enjoying Him in a way that gives me peace with or without victory over my weaknesses. Even during my weakest moments, I find the sweetest dependence on Him.

I’ve had a slightly skewed motivation. And I’ve had to repent for trying to use God to fix the things that are wrong with me (as if it’s all about me). I believe my God is a good Father who wants good things for me, including for me to find healing in some sore areas of my life. Yet knowing Him more fully, being loved by Him and living in response to that love isn’t merely a means to that end. It is the whole thing!!!

Without *that* any plan of attack, attempt to avoid a pitfall or diet will be rooted in willpower rather than resurrection power

There are many things in this life we may not find full release from until we are finally home with our God. But we are free to overindulge in Him! To love Him with all our hearts, soul, mind and strength! He can be our magnificent obsession… our not-so-guilty pleasure… our addiction…

Everyone has their obsession

Consuming thoughts consuming time

They hold high their prized possession

That defines the meaning of their lives

You are mine

There are objects of affection

That can mesmerize the soul

There is always one addiction

That just cannot be controlled

You are mine

Lyrics to You are Mine by MuteMath, who I will incidentally be jamming to live this Tuesday night with TCS and Kim and friends!  They're opening for The Fray, but they'll be headlining for me!